when i started this blog, one thing i promised was that i would be raw and honest about my emotions. that’s exactly where i am with this post. something i’ve been struggling with that i haven’t really talked about is my depression. depression looks different for everyone, and i think it carries a lot of misconceptions. for me, it looks like wanting to go home before i’ve even left. it feels like being incredibly excited about plans and then wondering if i should cancel them. it’s doom-scrolling on my phone because anything else feels like it requires too much effort….

when i was a kid, i would watch all the romcoms with my sister- legally blonde, 13 going on 30, never been kissed. watching those movies created this whole view of love in my brain and what it should look like. you know, the guy meets girl, something messes up the dynamic, and it results in running after the love of your life with a giant love-confession speech immediately followed by an epic kiss with cheesy (but also really good, in my opinion) music playing in the background. i would fantasize about having that moment in my own life, even…

ten years ago i was 24. in 2016, i was running around various parts of southern california — fullerton, anaheim, studio city, hollywood, burbank, and the valley. the nights consisted of late-night drinking or late-night hangs at bob’s big boy, gossiping over breakfast at 2 a.m. or grilled cheese sandwiches. during those days, i remember thinking about what my life would look like now. i thought that by the time i reached my mid-thirties, i would be happily married in a house that finally felt like home, with animals running around and sipping a glass of wine on the deck….

for as long as i can remember, i have always believed in love. i believe that love means continuing to choose that one person every day, even on the hard ones. i believe love isn’t about chasing a spark, but about also building on it every single day through small moments and commitment. when love feels steady and safe (or boring to others)- that’s when you know it’s rare, beautiful, and something worth continuing to fight for. it’s a relationship with your best friend that you also think is hot. i think when it comes to relationships, there is always…

being a woman in today’s world is something that is incredibly difficult. standards and expectations are automatically placed on you from the moment you’re born, ones you never asked for but are somehow expected to navigate and manage anyway. if you don’t know me, a fun fact about me is that i am a people pleaser through and through. i never want someone to be mad, upset, or feel any kind of negative emotion toward me. i am friendly to a fault, even when i should probably be more cautious of people. it’s something i am working on, but that’s…

the first time i went to new york city i was about 22 years old. i remember sitting in the cab and being enamored with the lights, energy, chaos, and people. it was everything i had envisioned in my mind and also what i had seen on the screen. i can wholeheartedly say that i have never, ever, ever fallen in love with a place that quickly. since that time, i have been back to new york around seven times with friends or work-related reasons. however, this last time i went, i was alone. i had never traveled to take…